encouragement for writers

(Thanks to www.Freepik.com for yet another great illustration!)

So my book is at the editor/designer, and almost ready to go to the printer (once I have my ISBN and a couple other details). I was so excited … but now I’m having doubts … worries … fears … procrastinating … yep, I’m panicking! I’m so tired, I’d happily hide under my warm, cozy blankets and let this project just slip away. Except I can’t sleep. It’s 4 am right now and I’ve been awake since 1 am. Tossing and turning. Is this a normal part of the writing and publishing process? Oh dear….

I know it isn’t completely about my book project. There are personal issues … and to-do list things I’ve been putting off … and it’s cold out, too cold to curl up under a tree at the beach like I keep dreaming of … and then there are all the crazy politics going on south of the border (and affecting the rest of us, unfortunately).

So I got up determined to write a blog post about how I’m feeling about this project … but so far have done dishes, played a few rounds of Solitaire (all unsuccessful), checked email and social media. All those time-wasting devices … procrastination, avoidance … So what is it (besides the non-book issues I’ve already mentioned) that is making me so nervous about my book project? Well….

This might sound wierd, but in the process of writing these childhood memories, I’ve discovered a lot about my roots, and how those experiences, no matter how sweet and charming they might sound on the surface, have really had an influence on my life’s choices and decisions and questionings and doubts and so on…. Yep, I’m feeling awfully vulnerable just now. I’m not at all sure I want people discovering/discerning things about me that I myself am not comfortable with (maybe even avoiding).

And then … what if this project proves I’m not the writer (or editor, or teacher, or whatever) that I’ve hoped I am? I really do appreciate the help I’ve received from beta readers and my editor and my writing friends … but how could I have missed obvious problems that I would, as an editor, have easily noticed in other people’s writing? I know, I know … “even editors need editors” … and yes, we’re often blind to our own short-comings, and yes, we know in our minds what we intended to write, but when it’s down on paper, we often don’t “see” what’s really there … and so on….

Why did I decide to take on this project, anyway? Frankly, I’m not one of those people who “have a book inside me just begging to get out.” I enjoy writing short bits and pieces (memories, poems, articles…), but an entire book? Not so much! I love reading books; I enjoy editing other people’s books … but writing my own?

I know for sure I’m not a “novelist/fiction writer” (which it seems, from writer’s groups and conferences and retreats and how-to-write books and articles I’ve encountered, is what, apparently, makes a person a “real writer” … and therefore makes me wonder if I’m just a fake? If I’m not “creative” enough? If I’m just wasting readers’ time?

I mean, to be honest, I’ve put some of those bits and pieces together into a book because lots of people have urged me to: but what if my bits and pieces were entertaining on their own, but together are boring or worse? What if — let’s just say it out loud — this whole project turns out to be a total “failure”? What if all the time and effort and $$ I’ve put into it turns out to be a waste?

Even this blog series: I started it partly to keep myself going on the project; to be accountable; to not allow myself to get distracted or give up…. But mostly, I wanted to help my blog audience–writers, mostly (writer friends, editing clients, people who want to know how this writing and publishing and marketing journey actually works in real life). Have these blog posts actually been helpful/useful for anyone?

I loved being a tutor, a teacher, a parent, an editor … and yes, a writer, too: After all, nonfiction IS REAL WRITING! So there! …. Isn’t it? … And now I’m getting older, well into “retirement” age in fact … and I’m starting to feel “out to pasture” in so many ways. Oh dear, is this whole project just a way to try and feel useful and young again? Is that crazy?

What about you, my readers? Do you go through periods of self-doubt when it comes to your writing (and publishing, and marketing and so on?)

Well, seeing as I’ve gotten this far in my project, I guess I better finish it, eh? Send it out into the big scary world and let it sink or swim … let it take on a life of its own (kind of like letting your children grow up and become independant, you know).

So yup, it’s time to dive in again. Time to finish up my KDP author page, finish my ISBN application, rework my back cover blurb and bio (wow, it’s tough!), time to get acting on my marketing (not just endless planning), contact my preferred printer …

And time to stop this rambling! Onward and upward! I can do this! I can! (gulp…)

(I think I can go back to sleep now, LOL!)

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Norma J. Hill

a pen and paper mama site

Category: encouragement for writers

Summerland Stories #14: doubts, fears, procrastination … Yikes!

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