Editing – Page 2 – Norma J. Hill

In the previous Summerland Stories project post, I explained who beta readers are, why they are important, and the process I used with my beta readers.

In this post I will share with you the responses I received from my beta readers. As each of them has their own personality, perspectives, and reading and writing experiences, their input was varied … but all valuable! Each reader chose their own unique way of doing the beta read. For example: follow my questions closely and provide succinct objective answers; follow my questions closely and provide more subjective personal thoughts; choose particular chapters and focus on those; go through the manuscript page by page and make notes on particular pages; and go through the manuscript chapter by chapter and respond to each one. With these varied approaches, some similar suggestions were found in almost all readers’ responses, while a wide variety of other suggestions were provided by each reader. Thank you, again, Anna, Rachel, Aggie, Ken, and Maureen!

Since this is a pretty long post, you might want to grab a cup of joe (or your preferred beverage!) and curl up in a comfortable chair to read it. (At least you’ll only need to go through it once: I put together this entire post … then ACK! I accidentally deleted it completely! So this is version two…. hours later….) I hope that if you, as a writer, plan to seek the help of beta readers, you’ll find these responses helpful for your own situation—and if you plan to be a beta reader sometime, these responses will provide you with ideas on how to share your thoughts with the author.

So, here are some positive, encouraging responses:

“I really enjoyed reading your Summerland Stories! It brought back many pleasant memories of yesteryear. You have a lovely flow to your writing while painting some very pleasant pictures and evoking some fond memories of our generation’s childhood. You captured the flavour of the time period. The ending is bitter sweet because we remember those days and often long for the peace and tranquility of our childhood, though we are fully aware it is gone. Thank you for the opportunity to read your manuscript and try my hand at being a beta reader.”
Several readers enjoyed the poems I have written and scattered through the manuscript. One reader said, “Great poem sharing memories and scents and sounds of times past. Says so much in short format…. A great poetic summation!” Another wrote that the poems “are enjoyable and an excellent way to break up all the other material.”“Beginnings: Great. Your mother’s memories are wonderful and they bring her life, and her, alive!”
“I truly enjoyed this book, and learned a great deal, not only about Summerland history, but also the people and the flavour of the times. [The people in the story] come alive, complete with beliefs, ethics, values, and daily lives. I also find the theme is consistent: a strong sense of community runs through every chapter.”
“Overall impression: a warm, charming reflection on life; never sappy or too sentimental. Surprisingly comprehensive; you covered topics I wouldn’t have thought of. Thoroughly worthwhile; a compilation that will be treasured. Well done! I truly want to congratulate you on your excellent telling of these stories in a way that makes them very relatable, authentic, and from the heart. They are warm and thoughtful and brought back many of my own memories. People are going to love this book.”
“Great stories and details about your grandparents. I wish I’d known your grandfather—what a wise and sensitive man. Also, so creative and inventive. Love how he wanted you to read widely and understand other people’s ways and beliefs. And particularly touching for me was the way he was so proud of you…. And his dream for each of his children to marry a person from a different race to create a united nations. Bet that ruffled some feathers in the community!”

And now, some of the wonderful, helpful input and suggestions:

Several readers felt the title “Summerland Stories” was perhaps a little too general. They also kindly made some suggestions on how to make it clearer and hook prospective readers.
One reader suggested I could add memories from other family members. Since the stories are mostly from when I was very young, and as I’m the oldest child in the family, it’s unlikely my siblings might remember more things … but it doesn’t hurt to ask! Maybe I could also ask some of my cousins who are my age or older.
Only one person thought a couple chapters were too long. I’ll take a look at those again. Meanwhile, several readers felt I could add extra details and memories “seamlessly and keep the flow going along.” I’m definitely going to try to do that.
One reader suggested I add more details about my characters (jokes they told, family sayings, their appearances, talents, etc.). Good idea!
A reader noted that in a few chapters, a stronger “hook” would be helpful to draw readers in and keep them reading.
One of the readers noted that perhaps I could add more explicit “feelings” of the characters in the stories. As some of the source stories were written or dictated or told as oral stories by others (parents, grandparents, community members), there is a variety of emotional approaches. Also, I’m not always the most empathetic person, I’m afraid, so maybe I need to dig a bit deeper into myself and my memories to recall more of my feelings and reflections.
Some writers asked for more details about certain events. I will try to add details where I can, but since the time period of the stories and poems I personally have written is mostly in my young childhood, I’m not sure what I can add. I will look again at old pictures, try checking old copies of the Summerland Review newspaper, check out photos and comments in the Summerland groups on Facebook, and try to dig up information from other sources—but at the same time, I wonder if adding too much historical/factual information might take away from the sense of childhood and family memories? I also wonder about adding certain kinds of information, especially personal and emotional aspects, to sections written by people who are no longer with us and who I therefore cannot ask?
One beta reader wrote, “Don’t hesitate to give us more details. Many times, I wanted to know more. You remember these events, but I have no idea what pictures are in your mind unless you tell me. Your stories are interesting; you have a natural knack for storytelling, so don’t hold back. Your audience is hanging onto every word.” Okay then! I’m always worried that if I give two many details, people will get bored. Hmmm…
At least 2 or 3 of my beta readers noted that, as one reader put it, the stories are perhaps a bit too “precious.” One suggested that I include more information about the darker side of life in the Summerland of the 1950s and thereabouts, the time period the book focuses on. Another suggested that “Perhaps you could intersperse your family’s and your community’s troubles throughout the memoir. There must have been many troubles throughout those years and prayers and offers of help” for those suffering. Part of my problem is that these are for the most part my childhood memories, and they reflect to some degree the innocence of childhood, the fact that I was quite protected by the adults in my life, and that in that time period people tended not to talk too much about the darker side of life. One reader suggested I could include issues such as soldiers returning from war with bad experiences, and how the war years themselves had been hard on the community. Perhaps I can add some of that; my dad was a World War II vet, and my mom did nursing during the war years. I’ll think about adding some of the those kinds of details I’ve heard from them in the past.
While some readers liked the structure and organization I came up with, a couple others had questions about it, for example suggesting I move a particular chapter to another location in the manuscript. One of the stories is written in a photo essay format, and one reader felt it was out of place compared to the other stories I wrote, suggesting I revert to the style of my other chapters.
Some readers felt I should add some introductory information to a couple of the chapters to make them clearer in terms of the flow of the book. I’ll do that.
In my “Rotary Beach” chapter, I listed at the end all the community members who had contributed their memories about this important heart of the community, and one reader suggested I should put it in an appendix at the end of the book, while another suggested I move it to the beginning of the chapter. I’ve decided to do the latter.
There were some questions about precise dates and times of some of the stories. I’ll try to sort that out!
One beta reader noted that she didn’t always quickly know who was speaking, and suggested I use the name of the person at the top of each section they supply. I can do that!
Several readers asked for more details about some of the stories and anecdotes. For example, was Giant’s Head an extinct volcano? Why did the cow at the Experimental Station have a glass window in its side? That’s definitely doable, in many cases! Research!
I had noted in one of my questions for the beta readers that I was concerned about repetition of details in several different stories. Most readers agreed that there was repetition, but most of it was necessary as certain events or places are important to various stories (which I had written at various times in the past for magazines, etc.). A suggestion was to provide a more detailed explanation the first time a place or event came up, and then when it was an important part of a later story, just provide a summary sentence or two. Good idea.
It was noted that I had used some good “childish humour” and “funny, reality-based anecdotes” in some of the stories. I was happy to hear that, as humour is something I am definitely working on in my writing these days.
A couple of beta readers kindly pointed out grammar issues, such as punctuation, spelling, or wording problems as well as some transition issues. Also that I over-use certain words and should do a word search to check that, and there were some issues with my use of quotations. It is totally true that even editors need editors—and good beta readers. The items that were pointed out are things that I always spot in other people’s writing as I edit for them—but then I miss them in my own work!
Language changes over time, as do aspects of life. Some readers noted that I used some words like “pitter” or “Normal School” or “rag tag” or “crank bar” (re old cars). One reader suggested I create a glossary, while another suggested I work into the text illustrative details that make the meaning of such words clear. I think I’ll do the latter, so people don’t have to flip back and forth looking for the meaning of these kinds of words.
While most beta readers were okay with the structure/organization of the manuscript, one reader did note that perhaps a couple of chapters could be moved to a better location, while another reader noted that “I do wonder if the number of components might be combined or organized around a single title. It all seems a bit complex to me. Admittedly, I do bore easily, so you kinda lost me” part way through the text. Oops! I need to think about that for sure!
One beta reader wondered, “So are these stories memoir, local history, a glimpse into a bygone era, historical record? … With all the pictures, at times it feels like a scrapbook to me, a very good scrapbook however.” Yes, I’ve been struggling myself about how to choose the best BISAC codes and/or Amazon codes to help bookstores and libraries know where best to place the book on their shelves. This book is kind of “all of the above” so I need to figure that out. Also, I won’t be using ALL the photos—and I’ll definitely put captions on those I do end up using. And I actually DO like the “scrapbook” description! LOL! Maybe that should be part of the title? What do you think?
A reader noted that “There is no mention of Indigenous contact or engagement. I suspect some of the sites listed connect with Indigenous communities and stories.” I had thought of that myself, as my husband of 40 plus years is Indigenous, so I’m pretty sensitive to that sort of thing. (I even have a blog that deals with some of those issues: https://haidagwaiibuildingbridges.com/ ). But the problem is that during the specific time period covered in my manuscript, there were few Indigenous people in the area, and also people generally were not as “aware” of Indigenous issues as they are today. Hmmm…
One reader suggested a family tree diagram might be helpful; another suggested I might want to include a simple map of the Summerland area in that time period.

WHEW! Are you worn out? I hope not too much … and I also hope that you’ll have found some useful thoughts to apply to your own writing and/or beta reading.

WHAT’S NEXT? In an upcoming post I’ll share my “Stuff still to do or consider” list I have developed after going through all the beta reads and already making changes to develop yet another draft (#5!). Yep, writing a book is a lot of work! But I’m enjoying it! In yet another upcoming post, I’ll be reflecting on “truth telling” in writing history and memoir. It’s a tricky topic, but pretty important, especially with the current world we’re living in, eh?

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Norma J. Hill

a pen and paper mama site

Category: Editing

Summerland Stories #11 What I Learned From my Beta Readers

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